


Peter's Predicament

by mjonesing (klassmartin)



Category: Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Bad Puns, F/M, Pink elephant, don't look at me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-13
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-13 22:47:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29409312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/klassmartin/pseuds/mjonesing
Summary: Peter Parker must not tell lies.
Relationships: Michelle Jones/Peter Parker
Comments: 31
Kudos: 42





	Peter's Predicament

**Author's Note:**

  * For [spidermanhomecomeme](https://archiveofourown.org/users/spidermanhomecomeme/gifts).



> HAPPY GALENTINE'S DAY, EVERYONE!

Michelle has been staring at him for a very,  _ very  _ long time.

On a normal day, this would be enough to have him in a pile of goo on her bedroom floor. One of his favourite pastimes is catching Michelle in the act; half for the way she ducks her head and presses her lips together like they haven’t been dating for nearly two years, half for the way it gives him an excuse to stare at  _ her _ .

Damn, she really is the most beautiful person in the whole wide world to him.

Unfortunately, today is not a normal day.

That means that Michelle’s staring is just making him… Uncomfortable.

“Can you please say something?” he pleads, tightening his slightly panicked grip of her wrist. The only hint that she’s even heard him is the little twitch of her eyebrows that suggest she is displeased with his whining. He doesn’t like to displease her. Michelle deserves the entire universe, but at the very least she deserves a boyfriend who doesn’t have - well. How do you even describe the sudden predicament he’s found himself in?

“Hmm.”

It’s the first noise she’s made since he fell through her window fifteen minutes ago - his centre of gravity completely thrown off - apart from the gasp as she tossed her book aside and rushed to collect his crumpled body in her arms. She’s still extra warm from the long bath she likes to take on Friday evenings. It’s a mild comfort, one that’s accompanied with the steady pulse of her heartbeat beneath his trembling fingers. 

“MJ…”

Her mouth twists down. “I’m thinking, Peter.”

“Can you think a little faster?”

“Don’t rush me.” Michelle reaches out tentatively and pokes, lips parting in wonder when Peter groans. “Does it… Does it hurt?”

“No,” he says petulantly, but to his horror, there’s a stretching and a lengthening and -

“Oh!” Michelle leans a little closer, which does little to help the matter. “That was…”

“What is happening to me?!” he near shrieks, free hand grasping the additional length in complete horror. “MJ, make it stop!”

She seems completely unaffected by his quickly escalating emotional state, leaning down and tilting her head with that look on her face that’s usually reserved for last minute cramming sessions at his dining room table.

“Peter, be honest. Does it hurt?”

He swallows around the high-pitched shriek building in his throat. “Okay, yes. Fine. It hurts a little.”

She nods, tapping her chin. “Okay, now lie to me. Does it hurt?”

Peter may be suffering a temporary mental deficit as his blood focuses in on his…  _ problem _ , but he’s not stupid enough to be incapable of following her train of thought. “I don’t want to.”

“Humour me.” Michelle’s face finally betrays a flicker of just that. He’d be annoyed at her if he were capable of feeling any emotion other than terror.

“No, it, uh, it doesn’t hurt.”

Another inch flourishes from nowhere. Peter yelps and tries to push it back, tries to undo what the lie has cost him. How is this even happening to him? It was supposed to be a normal patrol! And it was - for the most part. Right up until that wrinkled old lady pointed her gross, bony finger and -

“Interesting.” Michelle takes his floundering hand in hers and smoothes a thumb over his still healing knuckles. “Hey, Peter. Out of interest - did you really get lost on the way to the airport last week or did you just forget and stay out too long in the suit?”

Peter grits his teeth, cheeks flushing despite himself. “I… I didn’t  _ forget _ , I just -  _ Ah! _ ”

Michelle smirks. “I knew it.”

“It’s not funny, MJ!”

A strangled sort of noise escapes her throat. “No, of course.” Michelle waves her hand vaguely in the area of his... oopsie-daisy. “Nothing about…  _ this  _ is funny at all. Tell me, did you wish upon a star?”

Peter huffs, arms crossing over his chest. “I don’t like you.”

It was only supposed to be a sarcastic remark, yet he swells a little more and cries out in horror as Michelle finally gives into the explosion of laughter that she’s barely been suppressing. Were he not completely focused on the sudden turn his life has taken, he’d probably understand why this is so hysterical. 

But he can’t. So Michelle is just being  _ cruel _ .

“I should have gone to Ned.”

“Please, have you met Ned?” Michelle’s cheeks quiver. “Come to think of it though, this seems like something he‘d  _ knows _ about.”

“MJ, please -“

“Maybe he’d be more  _ scents _ itive to your predicament.”

“MJ…”

“Careful not to lie too much, oh boyfriend of mine. If it grows over twelve inches it’ll be a foot.”

“Can you -“

“Jiminy Cricket! I think I knows how to fix this!” Michelle’s words are barely legible through her full body peels of laughter, but she pauses for a moment, scratching her head. “I had another Pinocchio joke. It’ll come back to me.”

“Meanwhile I’m stuck like  _ this.” _

“Aw, I’m sorry, babe.” Michelle runs her fingers through his hair, and even though he’s mad, he can’t help nuzzling into her touch. It’s just so soothing, so - “Am I being a little too on the nose?”

“I hate you.” He barely flinches this time when his schnoz elongates a little further, close to poking his girlfriend right in the cheek. “This is possibly the worst thing that’s ever happened to me.”

“Look on the bright side,” she says, her lips twitching up as she fails to hide her amusement once more. “Think how interesting it’ll be when I sit on your face.”

**Author's Note:**

> No I will not explain. Thank you and good day.


End file.
